I met with a school dean who needs to write a letter that will be one of the first pages that residency programs will read. She read through my CV and my personal statement, and asked about my Step 1 and Step 2 scores. She informed me of my class rank, which was disappointing (1 spot too low for what I needed), and then jotted down about 5-6 things, and asked me, "Is that everything, then?" I nodded, but the thought, "Was that 'everything' she just mentioned worth it?" We finished the interview, and as I did some other paperwork, I continued to think about the question, "Is this, was this, worth it?"
I must explain to make this all make sense: I am applying to plastic surgery residency. It is the most competitive field right now. I have clawed and fought for every point, and though my effort hasn't always been perfect, it has been my best. I gave up vacation time, stayed up to 12am studying for almost a year and a half, and basically sacrificed very, very precious time with my wife and children so as to make it all "enough" (is it ever?) to become an applicant that would get into a plastic surgery residency. On top of this, I committed the grave error of focusing my life on my studies, which are a means to an end (for my family), rather than on my family's well-being. My actions have not reflected my priorities, and the true-to-my-heart loves have received inadequate time, effort, and attention.
I have, in short, been a poor husband and an absentee father for quite some time, and did little about it, hoping that "eventually, it will be worth it," without realizing that whatever "it" was, it could never, EVER equal the price I have foolishly paid. The man I've become, determined by my actions, not my dreams, is not the man I've wanted to be and so need to be. I feel like I've reached the last leg of a journey, and I find myself with empty hands and a nervous heart, realizing the destination was not worth the sacrifices of the trip. As I look around me, especially at my family, I begin to realize all the precious moments I've missed, and lament what my present state is.
So, what is worth it? In short, no, especially not the way I did things. I made mistakes, many of them out of foolishness and not having my sights set on what was really important. Even if it had been "number one in the class, you can go wherever you want for residency," it wouldn't matter. I would give anything to have those moments back. I would give anything to be that man that I so want to be. I would give it all back, the meager amount I've achieved, for what really is worth it: time with, and happiness of my family: It's my humble prayer, and my #1 goal and priority, to live every moment from now on for my wife and family, FIRST. No lifestyle, no career, comes close to this, and is worthless when compared. That is the only way it will be "worth it," and that's the only way I want it to be.
You see Nicky didn't want a fish, at least that's what she said, but after she saw them she fell in love with this cute femenine fish, the yellow one. 
Glenn and I think that the fish's behavior is like Nicky's, maybe that's why Nicky likes it. Even if she is starving she won't eat in front of people...isn't it funny? Ian on the other hand fell in love with another fish, which by the way I think has a similar personality to his, too. 
His fish is very tough, just like himself. The name of his fish is Oscar. Ian wanted to call his fish "shark" but we didn't want to confuse him since he is barely speaking and learning. Anyway they are both very happy and excited for their new pets. Everyday, Ian's first words are about the fish. He tells them everytime he can HALLO FISH!
Ian on the other hand was dissapointed since he was too short for the most of the rides. However he forgot about it as soon as Dady bought him a cotton candy. Yummy! You have to agree a fair is not a fair without cotton candy. 
So I guess after that he was starting to agree with Nicky about the fair being the best place ever. They won a hammer, a duck 
and a dolphin...she looked so excited, right? It's because she wanted to keep playing, she was actually happy with the doll. After seeing both of them so happy AND READY TO GO TO SLEEP, Glenn and I were happy that we took them. Nicky on the way back kept asking me if maybe another day I could take her again...and of corse I said yes...what I did not said was that it would happen when Ian is tall enough to ride with her. On another subject. I decided to cut my hair, and I did it 2 weeks ago. I haven't had the time to take a picture. Nicky got this new hobby as a photographer and she actually took this picture of my new hairstyle today. I think she did pretty good. She is taking pictures of everything. She feels very important when I ask her to take pictures of something. 
Glenn, Nicky (who was scared and hiding behind my legs), Ian and me got to go to Jail just for fun:)
We also learned some more about how the Church was estabished in Canada. It was neat to know that Glenn's ancestors had to move from Utah to Cardston to help to establish the Church there. They have always been pioneers. I feel very proud to be part of them. Then we went to a rest home where Grandma Woolf is.
We all sang FAMILIES CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER. She suffers from dementia but she had a good time. We were very blessed when we saw her happy and trying to match up the faces with their right names. It was a very touchy moment for all of us. After that we went to do some ice blocking. Yeah, I know, it sounds like huh?...but this is the thing,
some of the family went to buy some ice blocks and brought some towels. We went to a very high hill with grass, we put our bottoms on the towel the towel on top of the ice and the ice in the grass....get the idea? Then we slid down and it was VERY CRAZY AND NEAT. Ian and Nicky slid with me some of the times. Glenn and I had some competitions and of course I WON! The only bad thing was that Glenn and I were sliding with white shorts and since we were sliding in grass with the ice our clothes at the end of the afternoon were a mess. I'm still strugulling with the stains, but since I had lots of fun I don't regret it a bit. After the ice blocking we went to the church to have a nice dinner. We had roast beef, funeral potatoes, lots of salads, lots of diferent desserts, rolls, and more. It was as always a banquete, too bad for me since like I told Glenn what we eat in Canada...stays in my hips. Anyway after that I played with Glenn some basketball and then everything was made ready to have our family talent show. The treat was candy for the participants. We had everything: singers, piano players, flute players, dancers, acrobats (little kids doing somer salts) etc.etc.
Ian practiced his little weird eye wink, but he was too tired to do it for all of them. However he did it the last few days and everybody loved it. Nicky practiced a song for her grandma but she ended up singing head, shoulders, knees, and toes with her cousin Katherin and her brother Ian. After the talent show the teenagers were going to play a game named commandos. Since Cardston is a very small town the idea of this game is a bunch of people have to go from a point of the town to another place without being caught by 2 or 3 cars which are supposed to be hunting them. Glenn and I weren't planning on going but they called us to tell us that they needed more people for the game. So our kids were asleep already and my mother in-law offered to take care of the kids while we were on the game. Glenn and I had to dress with dark clothing to not get noticed and of course tennis shoes. Then we divided two groups: one of them were kids from 12 to 16 year old and the other group were the old people (yup I'm the old people). Of course we had 2 young ones, Max and Madison. Anyway it was very exciting while we were hiding and running. Of course not too exciting when in one of my attempts to survive I threw myslef to the grass without noticing a big poop next to me. I was very scared that I was on top of it. Anyway, after more running, we were caught! We laid down on the grass in the dark. Sarah (one of Glenn's cousins who was driving) started yelling names which didn'g belong to any of us. I just remember hearing Spencer (Glenn's cousin), "RUN RUN RUN!" So I ran and hid. I didn't noticed that I was alone, and even though the town is very small I had no clue where to go. I got scared and I was about to yell "PLEASE CATCH ME HERE I AM," but then I saw Max's hair and I ran to ask him where were the others. After more running we were caught. Glenn in his trying to save the team jumped a big gate and was caught first as he ran down the street
Anyway we finally got to get to Waterton...now you need to realize that I'm not a nature lover, but I fell in love with the place. We rode bikes with the kids to go and see the little falls that the place has.
The kids also got to see a deer very very close to them. The dear didn't get scared of any of us!
Glenn showed me how to throw rocks in the lake in a right way to make them skip.
The kids had a blast. The deers were walking like nothing close to people. It was neat seeing in the playground the kids playing and very close to them the deers playing as well. Nicky and Ian of course loved it. After we had another buffete lunch with all the family the guys started a water fight. Glenn of course got wet.
It was funny seeing the little kids getting involed in that war. At first they cried since the water was very cold, but then they enjoyed the revenge making everybody else wet. Nicky and Ian were playing with their other cousin trying to catch golfers which by the way are everywhere
Ian of course was very tired. So after that Glenn took us to eat some ice cream. 
I got my favorite,pecan. Nicky got gum flavor
Ian Strawberry
and Glenn....
got Canadian Moose. Then we went to see the hotel who was specially made for Queen Elizabeth and her royal family
It has a perfect view of the mountains. After that we went to help around with the preparations for dinner at the chapel. Everything was great: chicken with rice, lots of salads and a variety of desserts. Again we had a buffet. Then Glenn and I wanted to play some basketball but we noticed our bodies very sore from the night before. The funny thing is that we did it again that night. We played commando, but this time we were seekers. We caught 3 kids, but that was all. 
after that we all went to the temple. It was neat having this experience with them. Then we had lunch at Grandpa Woolf's house. Then we went to visit Grandma and Grandpa Walker at the cemetery
Where also some of Glenn ancestors are. We also visited the place were Glenn's dad was raised, and where he used to play as a child. Nicky opened her eyes wide, and her mouthe, too, when I told her that that was the house were grandpa used to be punished when he wasn't good. Anyway after that, three of Glenn's sibilings with their families and us went to bowl..unfortunetly the place was closed so we couldn't. The kids were so hungry so before dinner they asked me for some of his favorite treats: PICKLES! 
We had dinner and the cousins had their last chance to play. The moment to say good bye to 2 of Glenn's siblings was hard on Nicky, but she got over it after she saw again her cousin Katherine. The next day Sherri and her boys, as well as Glenn and I, went horse riding (Nicky went to play with her best friend cousin Katherine, while Ian spent time with Grandma and autie Laura). Glenn had promised to take me horse back riding since we were dating...well after lots of patience and 6 years of being together we finally did it
He wasn't very excited, but he ended up loving it.
We are planning to have it as a hobbie. Max, one of Sherri's boys didn't want to go, but he liked it too. My horse was the best. His name was Freckles and he was just perfect. I have riden a horse before but the last time that I did it it was in 1996. Well I was a little nervous, but then Freckles was the best. He was obedient and when I told him that I wanted to run he ran. When I told him to stop he would do it. It was perfect. On the other hand Glenn's horse which name by the way was Sherry was a glutton; she just wanted to eat all the time. It was also funny the way that they conected to go potty at the same time. haha. After that we came back home and had again an amazing lunch at Grandpa's house. To keep the fun going my dear mother in-law took care of our kids for the rest of the day since Glenn and I were invited by Glenn's cousin Spencer to his father in-law cabin. It was gorgeous. We did the famous 4 wheelers. It was very neat to do this with Spencer and his wife. Glenn and I had lots of fun
My learned about that you're never supposed to open your mouth while you are doing it, especially if there are ponds with a crappy smell. We all got our teeth dirty, and also our faces. We were so glad that Becky had all the equipment to not mess up our clothing. We as you have supposed were so tired after that that we went back to Grandpa's house, took a shower, and headed to bed. The next morning was Sunday so we went to church and Ian was the saddest kid on earth. I felt so bad for him. Then after that we went back to Granpa's house and had some snacks. We all took a nap and then we went to Auntie Peggy's house. We had left over family reunion food (with the ones who didn't have to return home). The kids again had a blast. Bethany, one of my new nieces had her b-day the same day. 
Nicky was upsetd to see her "friend cousin" Max being beting by her cousin Madison.
Here is Nicky playing with her cousin Katherine.
Ian enjoying the ice cream mmmm
It was late so we went back to grandpa's and laid down our kids. Before that we decided to visit more with Grandpa Woolf. Nicky was being very silly so I decided to take some pictures of her. She asked me to let her take some pictures of us, so I told her if she would sing Grandma song's I'd let her do it, and she did. She sang for grandma twice so after this picture that I took of her
She was allowed to take pictures of all of us on grandpa's deck
Grandma Sharon and Great grandpa Woolf
and of course Granpa Jim was making her laugh with silly faces. He is just the best.
After that we made her sleep. Since we were planning to go next day to banf. We went back to Aunt Peggy's and for the first time in my life I had my first s'mores.
That cookie with the Canadian chocolate and the marshmallow was just the perfect end of our day. We had so much fun with everybody that night and before we went to sleep Glenn and I decided to save our last day to Canada to spend it with the family. So we cancelled our trip to Banf...and I don't regret it at all. Next day we went in the morning to play mini-golf. Again Nicky and Ian stayed with their Grandparents, apparently they are more cool than us..well they and their cousins. We didn't complain though.
Although I thought they would have enjoyed the mini-golf. After that we were planning to do some go-carting, but they weren't open until 3:00 PM. Then we thought about going horse back riding again, but before that we had a nice pic-nick in a nice park in lethbridge (45 minutes from Cardston). Then we decided to go bowling, but to our surpise the place was closed AGAIN. So instead we went to Walmart to buy some souveniers, and a swimming suite for me since I didn't have one and we were planning to go swiming after riding horses. We came back to Cardston and Glenn was told that the owner of the place that rents horses had to go to his son's basketball game, so we couldn't do that. Then it's started raining so we cancelled our visit to the pool. Instead of all that we went to buy some more souveniers for our home. Then we all ate at 6:00 p.m. and we had a family home evening with Sherri and her kids, my in-laws and us. It was neat after that we played "catch the ball." The kids were tired so we laid them down and then Glenn and I went to Aunt Peggy's house. We were invited to spend our last night together. So we played UNO and Catch Phrase. I didn't want to play this last one because it's harder to think in English with an alarm pressuring you, but everybody as always was very patient and supportive with me. They let me skip words and sentence until I felt comfortable with the one that I wanted to describe. It was very surprising for me to see even Calvin and Jake (14 and 15 yrs old) cheering me up and being that patient with their old new auntie Claudia haha. We ended up at home that night very late. So we said good bye to everybody and went back home to pack and have everything ready for the next morning. 
Anyway we arrived on time to take our plane which by the way SUCKED AGAIN. We had a delay in Colorado for 90 minutes and then had to wait for 2 horus in Denver. Our pilot made us all sick and Ian was crying all the way back. After landing in Austin we lost luggage so we had to wait for 2 hours more in the airport. My sister and her family were already waiting for us. They were so nice to waited all that time. Then after that we finally got our luggage and spent the night at her house. Glenn and I laid down the kids and visited a bit with my sister and her husband while we were eating dinner CARNE ASADA AND SOME POLLO LOCO made by her husband with an exquisite salsa and some tortillas mmmmm. Anyway after that we went to sleep and slept through all night until 10:40a.m. Then we prepared breakfast and came back to our home at 1:20 p.m. I barely finished with the laundry and it was a good thing that the house was impecable so I didn't have to clean. We went to Golden Corral and put the luggege away. Ian was so excited to see his crib again. I laid him down, and he didn't cry, he just huged his crib and then I was looking at him through the crack of the doorway, and he was so sweet laying face down with his head held up and looking at his toys and kissing his bed. Then I saw Nicky who was "scared," so she was hugging her picture of Jesus (sounds kind of catholic, but this is a picture that the missionaries give to the investigators). Anyway we are back and trying to gain all our strength. We already are planning to go together to inflatable funland with the kids, and bbq someday soon before Glenn's away rotations. 